THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF MR NICE GUY
By jonathan Poku
Each week I am going to publish a excerpt from this book, in chronological order, on this web page. To read the next excerpt just click the appropriate Excerpt tab below:
Kalvin Setray’s story: Kalvin’s Perspective
Allow me to re-introduce myself
I was laying on a king size bed, in a plush apartment, situated in the centre of London’s prestigious West End, whilst listening to Kano’s ‘leave me alone’ and thinking to myself, I could definitely get used to this, chilling in a nice pad, with a sexy girl lying on my chest, when suddenly Sharon Cooper, the quote unquote, sexy girl, who was lying on my chest, interrupted my trail of thought, by sitting up and saying, ‘you’re the swee –’
Knowing damn well what she was about to say, I interrupted her before she could even finish her sentence. ‘Don’t you dare say that!’
Shocked by my abrupt reaction, but still undeterred, she replied, ‘but, I’m just giving you a complement –’
I frowned at her. ‘I just don’t want to hear it.’
Confused by the sudden change in the evening’s mood, Sharon said to me, ‘what did I say wrong? You’re definitely the nicest guy, I’ve ever met – No guy has ever treated me this good.’
I sighed and replied, ‘look – what don’t you understand? I’m tryna tell you, I just don’t want to hear it.’
Sharon put one hand on my chest. ‘Kalvin, like where’s this coming from.’
I shrugged her hand off my chest, as I got off the bed and stormed towards the Door.
Baffled by the transformation of my persona, Sharon watched me, as she pleaded, ‘Kalvin! Kalvin! Wait – look – I’m sorry. Let’s talk about this. Kalvin!’
However, I ignored all of her pleas, as I left her apartment, without uttering another word, or looking back to see the emotional turmoil I had left in my wake.
Once I was on Oxford Street, I marched purposefully to my bus stop, only stopping twice, to successfully chat up two women. Apart from these minor detours I was on a mission…
Huh – what are you looking at me like that for? Oh – I guess you’re wondering why I switched back then, but if you knew about my past experience with women, then you’d definitely understand. For years I’ve heard women complaining that their boyfriends don’t listen to them. That they cheat on them. That they lie. That they can’t be honest. That they’re too controlling and that they don’t treat them good – Nearly each and every one of these women, will tell anyone who will listen to them that all they want is a nice guy – But that’s bulls#*t. Yeah you heard me correctly – Bulls#*t. For years I was that nice guy, but where did it get me? Nowhere. Women don’t want a nice guy as their boyfriend – He’s alright as a friend or as a stop gap, but that’s about it. In their eyes, dependable and considerate, equals boring, and unattractive. They want a bad boy for their boyfriend – someone who is going to treat them mean, use them and abuse them, and then throw them away – That’s the truth… Nine out of ten – if not ten out of ten, of you ladies, aren’t ready for a good guy, even if you fool yourself into believing that you want one – Tell the truth and shame the devil ladies – am I lying – No seriously – am – I – Lying? Anyway, five years ago, after twenty-eight years of being a good guy, I realised this, so I decided that I was no longer going to be, Mr nice guy…
Oh, I know some of you women out there, will find what I just said offensive or you’ll try to argue that it’s untrue, but hey, the truth hurts ladies, and your actions speak way louder than your words – Anyway, back to my decision – a few years ago, after being rejected or dumped by countless women, who said something on the lines of, ‘Kalvin you’re so nice, but we’re more like friends than lovers -‘ I decided to research exactly what women want, and to transform myself into just that. Can you blame me? Oh – you think you can – well let me take you back to the beginning of my ordeal, with the so called fairer sex, and maybe then you’ll re-assess your view –
Hold on – hold on – Hold on – maybe before I tell you my story, I should tell you that for as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be loved – Truly loved… And I think that was because when I was growing up, I never felt loved by my parents. Nope, never truly – unconditionally loved… Sure my parents took care of all of my physical needs, but they never truly loved or nurtured me – And yes, I know, this kinda contradicts what you’ve seen and heard thus far, but – ahh what’s the use – it’s not worth me wasting my breath, most of you have already made up your mind about me –
So anyway, where was I – oh yeah – let me take you back to the beginning of my ordeal, with the so called fairer sex…
It all began when I was sixteen. It was at that tender age that I had my first encounter with Michelle Williams… She had green eyes that glistened in the sunlight, like jade, a slender physique and long auburn hair…
School days of the distant past.
I had had a crush on Michelle for years, but I could never muster up the courage to say hello to her. She was so smart and stunning. However, at that point in my life, I had never spoken to any females, other than my mother, my family members and my teachers… Something about females overwhelmed me.
Anyway, one day after advanced maths, Michelle Williams walked up to me in the corridor and said, ‘hi, Kalvin.’
Embarrassingly, I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly, for what seemed like an eternity, as I started to sweat profusely.
And to make matters even worse, whilst this was happening, my hands became clammy, and my heart beat got faster and faster…
Michelle brushed her fringe from her face. ‘Kalvin, honey, can you please help me. Look, I tried to start our math’s homework, but I’m – like – struggling! So I was wondering if you could come over to my house, after school, and – erm – help me with it… If you could, that would be like – great, and I would be – erm – forever grateful.’
To which I replied, ‘err,’ as I avoided eye contact.
Michelle touched my arm and said, ‘oh, come on, please. You’re one of the smartest guys in our class, and I’m really stuck, on a part of the homework.’
I looked at her hand, which was still touching my arm – No word of a lie, at that very moment, a tingle ran up my spine and then I hesitated for a moment, before I replied, ‘ok.’
Michelle hugged me close, allowing her chest to rub up against me.
It was at that point that something really weird happened, something that had never happened before… Yeah, you guessed right, I had my first hard on.
I felt so uneasy and mortified; I froze because I didn’t know what to do. Michelle smiled at me, hugged me even closer, and then turned and walked off.
My eyes remained transfixed on her, as she walked in what seemed like slow motion; when she reached the far end of the hall way, she turned her body, partially backwards, flicking her luscious hair in the process, and then she looked at me and smiled, before she turned forward and continued to walk around the corner…
After that brief encounter I wondered if I was dreaming, because, firstly Michelle actually knew my name and secondly she had spoken to me… Me – the social pariah who each and every other child in the school avoided like the plague, because they thought that if they spoke to me, then they would get infected, and either forced into social exile, or social quarantine. But I wasn’t dreaming – oh my god – I wasn’t dreaming…
Later on that day, Michelle gave me her address, and hugged me again.
I wondered what it meant, but then I realized it meant nothing at all, she just needed help with her math’s home work – but it felt good to be the recipient of her attention.
The school day flew by. As soon as it finished, I ran all the way to Michelle’s house and stopped in front of her front door. I was just about to knock it, when I heard Michelle’s voice, inside the house say, ‘ahh mum, I’m not a child anymore.’
And then a voice that I later found out was Michelle’s mother’s, replied, ‘you know you’re not allowed to have boys over, and that there’s no way that I’m going to allow a boy in your room.’
Michelle said, ‘mum, you can trust us. He isn’t like that. He’s a really nice guy, and I really like him.’
It was at that very moment that I became baffled, and I started to wonder if she was talking about me, but then I realised that she couldn’t be, so I continued listening.
Michelle’s mother said, ‘I wasn’t born yesterday, Michelle. I know what young men are like. They only have one thing on their mind –’
Michelle replied, ‘mum, Kalvin isn’t like that. He’s really sweet.’
Suddenly, I moved from just being baffled to totally shocked. I turned around and started walking as fast as my feet could carry me.
However, before I could make my clean getaway, Michelle opened her front door and asked me, ‘Kalvin, where are you going?’
I turned around, walked up to Michelle, and looked at my feet.
She took my hand and led me into her house.
Initially, when I stepped through the front door, Michelle’s mother was frowning, but as soon as she saw me, she started smiling from ear to ear.
I glanced around the room and then I shook Michelle’s mother’s hand, and stuttered, ‘ger- ger – good evening, Mrs Williams. You’ve got such a – a – lovely home.’
Ms Williams glanced at Michelle, grinded and then looked at me. ‘It’s Ms Williams, but you can call me Marie.’
I looked at my feet, and blurted out, ‘sor – sorry, Ms Williams – I – I mean, Marie.’
Ms Williams smiled at me. ‘Ahh, aren’t you such a sweet young gentleman. There’s nothing to apologize about. You kids go up to Michelle’s room and study – would you like me to bring you up, some drinks and sandwiches?’
Michelle replied, ‘nah – we’re fine mum – I’ll come and grab us some food and drinks, if we start to feel peckish,’ and then she led me up to her bedroom.
Surprisingly, as we made our way up to Michelle’s room, I distinctly heard Michelle’s mother say, ‘ahh how sweet’ – back then this didn’t make any sense to me, but I know now that Ms Williams was even willing to break her own rules, because she knew that there was no chance, of me, a muttering nerd, deflowering her precious young daughter.
Anyway, moments later, Michelle and I, walked into her bedroom, and then she closed its door behind us.
Before, I could even take in my surroundings, she startled me by hugging me even closer than she did earlier.
I tried to stop myself, believe me I did, but I couldn’t. Before I even had a chance to try and do anything, to try to prevent it from happening, my hard on, rubbed up against her leg.
At the time, I was so sure that she was going to push me away and slap me, but instead she held me even closer for a few minutes and kissed me on my cheek…
She then took me by my hand and led me to her bed. She sat down and signalled me to sit beside her.
I looked at the spot where she signalled me to sit, looked at her, looked back at it and then I finally sat down.
She looked deep into my eyes. My gut told me to look away, but I was so mesmerised by her that I didn’t move.
Michelle said, ‘I really like you Kalvin. Do you like me?’
Michelle then smiled at me and said, ‘every time we’re close, my heart starts to beat faster and faster, see,’ and then she lifted my hand to her chest and breathed in and out deeply.
I replied, ‘uh huh,’ because my above average vocabulary, failed me at that particular moment.
Michelle stopped smiling. ‘I hope you don’t think badly of me, because I led you here under false pretences.’
I shook my head.
Michelle said, ‘good, because I would just die, if you did…’ She then opened her mouth, closed it, looked at the wall, glanced back at me, looked at the wall again, looked at me, bit her bottom lip and then took a deep breath and blurted out, ‘look, its ok, to say no, if you don’t want to, but I was wondering if – you – would like to go to – the cinema, with me, tomorrow?’
I nodded energetically.
She grinned. ‘Good, me and my mum will pick you up, from your house, at six o’clock, in the evening.’
I said, ‘I – I – I can’t wait.’
She replied, ‘neither can I. It’s so great to finally have someone here that I can talk to. Mum doesn’t get me, at all. Ever since she divorced my dad, she hasn’t seen him, and she gets angry whenever I even mention him – I guess she thinks I should be loyal to her, but he’s my dad, and I’ll always love him – What she’s doing, is so unfair. It’s crazy really, because my brother lives with my dad, and her selfishness is tearing our family apart.’
I stuttered, ‘h – ho – How come they separated y – you and your brother?’
Michelle replied, ‘he’s from my dad’s first marriage… aargh, I don’t even want to talk about her any more. Do you want to lie down?’
I nodded and lay down on the bed. Michelle laid her head on my chest.
That was the first time, a girl had ever done that to me, and it felt so good.
She said, ‘it really is great to finally have someone I can talk to about this. I don’t know why, but talking to you and being around you, just seems to help.’
I grinned as I stared at the ceiling.
First date ever.
The very next day, after school, I was in my bedroom, with my different outfits scattered all over my bed.
I had my black jeans on and my vest, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t decide on my complete outfit. I picked up a shirt, looked at it, and then put it back down.
I paced back and forth for a while and occasionally looked at a piece of clothing, but then I shook my head and continued pacing.
Finally, I picked up my black top and put it on, and then I repeatedly sprayed aftershave all over myself.
Within seconds of me doing this, my doorbell rang, so I dashed down stairs and opened my front door.
To my delight Michelle Williams was standing there looking so beautiful…
My mind was so focused on her that I even forgot to say good bye, to my mum.
Michelle hugged me. I closed my front door, we got into her mother’s car, and then Ms Williams drove us to the cinema.
When we arrived there, Michelle and I got out of the car and walked up to the driver’s window.
Before Ms Williams drove off, she gave Michelle money and said, ‘I’ll be back to pick you up at ten o’clock.’
As soon as Michelle’s mother’s car was out of sight, Michelle turned to face me and said, ‘Kalvin, I’m so sorry, but my dad wants to see me today. I couldn’t say anything, earlier, coz mum was dropping us off, and you know how she gets, when it comes to anything to do with my dad – Anyway, my dad’s sending my brothers best friend Danny, to pick me up – in a little while. I’m so sorry – please cover for me – please –’
Before I even had a chance to process what had just been said to me, a black Golf, driven by an older teenage boy, screeched up to us, and Michelle jumped into its passenger seat.
I stood there baffled.
Michelle handed me some money. ‘Here’s some money to watch a film; I’ll meet you in the foyer at around a quarter to ten.’
I replied, ‘huh.’
Michelle said in a sweet, soft voice, ‘come on – don’t be like that. Please do this for me.’
I pondered for a moment. She touched my arm.
I hesitated for a moment and then I replied, ‘o.k.’
The golf speeded off.
Unfortunately, for me, from that day forth, this became our regular routine, and by the end of the week, I was doing her homework for her, while she gallivanted off with Mr Golf.
I didn’t know it at first, but I soon found out that Mr Golf was her boyfriend… You know what – I should have learnt back then that being a nice guy gets you nowhere, but I didn’t – It took me, many more years of torment, before I actually wised up. I guess back then I was a sucker for punishment- like that. Or just a plain sucker.